RAW is three hours long now, I don’t know if I have the stamina to make it through a three hour show for the next every Monday for the rest of my life. The REST OF MY LIFE you guyz! I’ll try to power through or watch in the van or while I work on one of my many sewing projects (they are numerous). The thrust of this episode is that John Laurinaitis is going to be fired by Mr. McMahon UNLESS he can put on a good show and save the ol’ WWE theater or something. I may be getting this episode mixed up with two of The Muppets movies.
I left for tour without my flash drive! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I feel choke slammed by life right now. Hopefully I’ll remember to pick it up when we go through SXSW. Until then, suck it.
We missed so much on Thursday night!!! Somehow in the interim between Mondays Shane McMahon joined The Corporation with The Ministry (no not that Ministry) to form The Corporate Ministry. And yes you’re absolutely correct, Triple H is wearing a black leather Miami Vice suit.
This week’s episode of RAW was sadly pre-empted by the tragedy of the Columbine High School shooting of 1999, and as I’m opening up this file I’m certain that the producers of RAW will make sure to acknowledge the tragic events tastefully while continuing to entertain (because they are professionals people!) Surely the staff of RAW will make sure to keep things light and tip toe around anything that could upset the families of the victims of that horrible massacre. The best way to do that would probably be to just not refer to anything that isn’t an actual tragedy as a tragedy. We can probably make it through an episode of RAW without hyperbole. Right?
Tired of The Undertaker’s rapey shenanigans and change of character as of late The Rock has decided to begin his change in occupation by driving a hearse into the auditorium while wearing a fancy suit with no shirt on underneath. Duh. Actually all of this is Dwayne Johnson’s inner AAAAAACTOOOOOR working it’s way out slowly but surely. He even brought an entire graveyard set with him to Tuskaloosa or wherever this is filming. Such a performer. How do you think one would go about digging an actual grave in a stadium? Would the ground flatten out in time for the Knicks game the next day? Does concrete flatten out? I’ll have to experiment and get back to you.
Last time we checked in with with the RAW IS WAR crew Stone Cold had been destroying titantrons with the help of aptly named wrestlers and The Undertaker was snackrificing Ken Shamrock’s sister in lieu of his first choice Stephanie McMahon. That’s right, he ate her. Alive. But don’t worry my sweets, Vince McMahon has hired some of Detroit’s finest to keep watch over her guilded crest (YEP!) . Oh also Ken Shamrock was locked in the trunk of a hearse I think. Or maybe he was locked inside of a trunk inside of a hearse. Something like that.
Settle in children, get a nice cup of steamed pumpkin apple cider with spiced cinnamon and a handful of candy as I tell you the story of Vince McMahon and The Undertaker. Once, they were but two young men flailing wildly in the brave new world called wrestling entertainment. But then one sold his soul to the prince of darkness and started bowing to the almighty dollar. The other was sort of a cowboy for a while and then he became kind of a cult leader. Later he would be a biker. Also Stone Cold still wants his personalized Smoking Skull Heavyweight championship belt.